---Girl---(THIS IS MY FAVORITE PIECE) |
I see a girl, she smiles at me, says hi
I'm frozen, lost in possibilities
Every outcome is bad, or so I think
She walks over to me, taps on the desk
I’m mesmerized; unable, unwilling to look away
She blushes, a bright red on her pale face
It looks odd, but I’m still silent
Frozen as the world passes me by
Taking my hand she presses it to her chest
She pushes the desk out of the way and straddles me
Her bright green eyes are hypnotic, sparkling
We share a kiss and I wake
She is still there; in my lap, hands in my hair
I crush her to me, holding on to reality
I slide back into dreams, until she kisses me again
There is no mistake as she bites my lip
I’m in the world, it is part of me and…
…I control it.
I've control of the world.
But how do i control it?
Controling a world, it ould not be easy.
Lets see how this plays out,
She is still kissing me, her eyes are green,
I'll see how she looks with blue.
Consentrating i feel a shift, but what happened?
I break out of my shell, comming fully awake
I take her face in my hands, she stares back.
Her eyes are a twinkling baby blue, I've got it!
Perfect, but wait her hair was brown, it now blond.
Each change affects the whole, its harder than I thought
Lets go back, green eyes with brown hair.
Why change perfection, she's how she belongs
Perfect, beautiful, blushing up at me
Red on her pale face, still odd, still silly
I pull her face to mine, a final kiss before.....
…the end. |
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Courage is being on stage when you don't know the words,
Courage is strength,
Courage is getting on stage and doing your best on the spur of the moment,
Courage is loving without return,
Courage is not letting fear control your life,
Courage is making a change seconds before curtain call,
Courage is relying on God
Courage is doing your best each and every time,
Courage is believing in yourself,
Courage is Life. |
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Sometimes I think Ive lost all Ive ever gained
Sometimes I feel so alone
Sometimes I think that everyone has abandoned me
Sometimes I just feel like giving up the ghost
I wonder what death would feel like
I wonder if Id have the strength to end it all
I know the answer to that one at least, I dont
Im weak and I know it
But does that mean Im not willing to be strong for those around me?
I wish I knew how to be strong for myself
Im a wimp when it comes to pain
Physical pain I can deal with
Emotional pain drains me of will
I never know what to say, what to do.
Im a living shell of myself in this
Nothing I do or say makes the world okay
I feel the pain, I try to take it from the hurt
Sometimes I do to good a job.
Sorrow is my name I am what I am
No one wants anything to do with me in this
Tears flow, blood seeps, Im not going to be here much longer
Have I really done it? I slit my throat. Im leaving this world. |
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We've made choices
Decided on things
These choices lead to paths for life
Will these paths lead to doom?
Or are they the right choices to lead to the top
Time will tell
And only time will lead us to the right path for our life
We stumble through, never knowing
Right? Left? Center or Back?
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Is she an angel in disguise?
She has brightened my life like no one before
Around her i have no fears, no cares, no worries
I don't know how she is, but she could be the love of my life
I see her every day, but i've never spoken to her
I know her name, as i've thought about her every day
Do i dare to speak to her?
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You walked into my life on a rainy day
The class meet, but the students walked away
We were left together, teacher and aid
You were older, in need of my aid
A kiss that should never have been
Shared over your desk and a paper bin
Who would know it was the end for us
One kiss before a day on the bus
We were in love, but it was not to be
You were allergic, stung by a bee
A stretcher came to carry you away
In the ambulance your soul flew away
Immortalized in word and song by me
No one would ever suspect you and me
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Your blood to mine,
My heart to Yours.
Flesh to flesh
Nail to nail.
Cell to cell.
You are mine, i am yours
We are one,
You are two together
I am both, one and two
You and me
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We meet in the dark
We were lovers once
You left, i cried
Time passed, i got over you
Now your back, back in mylife.
I don't know why your back
But you are!
Now you want to rekindle what we had
I don't think i could servive it
You destroyed my heart when you left
Now you want me to take you back?
I know nothing about life, but i know all about pain
Is pain the product of life, or is it the other way round.
I'm lost in my own toughts, my own work
You pulled me from it once, will you be able to do it again.
I'm not sure you can. But you have
You've saved me from myself.
Now i must deal with what has happened.
Be it good or bad, i must live with the knowledge of you.
We are together again, under moon lite skies.
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Words flow on to the pages
I never know what I'll end up with
What do i mean in my writing, I've no idea
I only sit here typing what comes to me
Once its finished i can puzzle it out
I'm just like you when i read what I've written
Trying to figure out what i feel
i never know what is happening anymore
I just type and words end up coming out onto the pages
If you don't understand it, chances are i don't either
We can try puzzling it out together, Good Luck
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If you were to die today, you would be just like me.
Is that so bad? Do you value life that much?
Or do you cling to what you know?
Life is worthless to you if you do not take advantage of it.
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I wish i could hold you again
All i'm asking for is one more minute
Is that so much to ask?
One day, One hour, One minute
To hold you in my arms again,
To once more feel your warmth...
But your gone, now and forever
One day, One hour, One mintue
I will never forget all the times we shared
I'm wishing for....
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As time passes, tick tock
You see yourselves,
While I, tick tock
See death.
As time passes, tick tock,
You see a simple sword,
While I, tick tock,
See release.
As time passes, tick tock,
You see ugliness,
While I, tick tock,
See Beauty.
As time passes, tick tock
You pass from life to life,
While I, tick tock,
Continue on. Gong, gong
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Shoot me now
Kill me dead
End it all
This life do take,
As this ring I bestow.
You will not
do as your told
Learn from this
Life of death
Life of misery.
Youll never know
What you mean to me,
My life, its yours
take it all in stride.
Its ending now
This gift you declined
I cant take back
It is no more.
You destroyed it,
This life I gave to you
My life, it was yours.
Resurrect this life
Only you are able
Bring this life back to life.
You reject the thought
Not able to think
Your ending it
Dont go
I am lost
Youve killed me. Goodbye.
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Life and death, it maters not to me
You hold my heart in your hands and youve crushed the life from it
I can no longer love
I no longer feel pain
All I feel is the emptiness inside from the loss
What did I lose?
Hope, fear, anger, love
Why do I still live?
I live only to serve my mistress
I am a slave to you that crushed my heart and dont care
I no longer have feelings and am just a solider for you
You own me, nothing I can do will ever change that
My mind screams to stop, my heart no longer cares to listen
I've killed my new love, now only darkness remains for me
Eternal slavery to you that holds my stilled heart
Never will I care about anything or try to love again
My last words as myself.
Never forget those you hurt and worship those you love always
Time for me to return to the darkness and my mistresss biding
Good bye forever sunlight and warmth
Hello darkness and cold hatred
I am -not-4any longer
I was and can only wish to be again
Only true love will free me from slavery
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To live you must die
To die you must have life to lose
You only gain by losing
Give up everything-- Slavery, money, power, Life
Gain all else -- Rebirth, youth, Freedom, Eternity
Live through death, die through life
Remember what i say
Forget all else
Words of truth are not forgotten |
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She's sitting there on the sand
She's waiting for me
I'm going to her
I don't know why, but I'm questioning
Brown hair, bright blue eyes
She's perfect
Hugs, kisses and her
Is the world perfect?
Perfect is the way I make things
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I just don’t care anymore
Nothing phases me
I don’t know what to do
I’m numb to the cares of the world
Not tired,
I’m not happy or sad
Just don’t care
Live, die, or sleep
Nothing appeals to me
I’m told I have much to live for
I’m told to keep living for others
I’m told that my death would hurt everyone else
No one seems to care if living hurts me
The thing is….
Pain is something I can deal with
Being numb….
That is hard to cope with
Cause pain to you or..
Deal with my own pain and try to feel
Try to feel something….
Anything…..
I just want to feel again.
Sad, happy, tired, pain, anger, anything
I’m just numb,
Fading into nothing
Losing the power to survive
Losing the will
Life------ pain, or is it nothingness? |
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I’ve never felt like this
As if part of my soul is missing
Empty?
No, that doesn’t fit
There would have been something to lose fist
Alone?
No, I’m not missing someone
Abandoned?
Again I say its not someone that’s missing
It’s part of me that’s gone
Hollow!?
Yes, that’s it, I feel empty
Like I’ve been split apart and the other me is gone
I’ve been abandoned buy myself
Part of me has gotten up and packed
I wonder if I’ll ever feel full again
Ever stop being hollow.
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One, Two, Three
Your here with me
Four, Five, Six
Hugs, Kisses and More
Seven, Eight, Nine
We're splitting down the line
Ten
Start Again
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Music
Dance
Sounds of the soul
Here
Gone
Where am I?
Thump
Thump
Beat of my heart
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Another year down the drain
Another year of me lost
another year older
another year deeper in the ground
another year of life given away
another year closer to death
another year lived for others
another year pleasing for you i hope
another year of pain
another year spent
another year gone
another year i don't want to rember-- mostly
another year i wish for death
Another year to cry over
Another year of sadness
another year to find a reason to live
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Nothing goes as planed, I'm dieing in your arms tonight
i always wondered what it would be like to love you and be loved by you
I guess i will never know as is I'm dieing in your arms tonight
I'll never be able to hold you as your holding me, never able to love you
My death is a part of the plan, that's why you're holding me tonight
its unfortunate that the plan went wrong, i always loved you
my last breath is for you this night
You will never know the love I've felt for you
This is my last thought for tonight
Always thinking of you
I'm dieing in your arms tonight
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Thou Black and Grey Moon
Thou canst not outshine the sun
for thine radience is but emptiness
Whatsoever thou turnst thy gaze upon
canst not help but turn to shades of pale and gossamer
Thine hollow radience
consumes...
Thine well worn track
endless...
Pitiful is thy plight
Give me the Moon
Give it to me
For I can conceal it
within my consciousness
As an unwound clock
conceals the time
Burdens are but meant
to be carried...
yet unseen...
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My blood is red
My heart beats steady
I'm glad you found me
I'm sure you hate it now
Your blood is blue
Your heart has stopped
Oh wait that is my blood
My heart
I must be dead
Thanks for stopping by
I like the company
Death is lonely
Life is worse
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I'm lost in the sea of informantion
I was searching for you
Searching for who i was
Searching for why i left you
Now all i want is to find a way out
A way home
I will call and see if i get an answer
I'll call who i am
the Net is vast,
I never knew how big until now
I will return, i'll nver stop looking
I'm going to find you and who i was
Love, you can not hide forever
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What is Life?
Breath...
Life is breath.
Blood...
Life is blood.
Water...
So blue, so dark blue...
Life is water.
Fire...
So hot, so all consuming...
Life is fire.
The fire is inspiration.
The fire drives us onward.
The water cools.
The cool, calm, deep water keeps us
from being consumed by the fire.
Blood moves the fire and water.
Breath fuels the flames.
Here there is
not breath
not blood
not water
not fire
Only the endless vastness of pure eternity...
Yet, there is Life
for pure Life can not be extinguished
What is Life?
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I'm feeling strange
Could it be the thing called happiness?
Its been so long since i felt it I've no idea
Happy.... it sounds interesting
I might find i like this feeling
That could be good or so they tell me
It could make life interesting.
A new day, a new emotion
A new moon, a new love
I feel there is nothing i can not do
I must be happy, I've got a grin on my face
It feels natural, like it belongs there.
Can i keep this feeling? or do i have to turn it back in?
I want to keep it so i think i will.
I'll add it to my collection
Unused emotions no longer need apply.
To bad it fades like everything else in this world.
I'm back to myself, no happiness here
Or is there?
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The dawn comes, no one to see it, only a house on a hill to watch. Does time pass if there is no one to keep track?
Yes, time does not stop, but all track gets lost. Who in a mechanized world would notice, not a soul around upon the soil.
There is a house on a hill, it is the last thing from an earlier time, the only one who remembers a better world. No human remembers a time before Death, no one should.
The time before Death is the world we know, but it will be forgotten in time as life will be forgotten if the people do not care. If life is forgotten, life will be lost.
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Leaving you is hard
I'm not sure i want to go
You've forced me away, but my love still rests with you
I have no choice in the matter
You've commanded me and i must obey
Never have hated you so much
My heart still beats for you
you still fill my thoughts
We may be apart by many miles, but still......
I love you and hold you every night
Even if only in my dreams
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As i sit here thinking, life passes me by
I remember what was, thinking about what will be
Never have i worried about the present
Now life has caught up to me
My past is dead
My future is unclear
I've lost a love and have nothing to cling to
My friends try to comfort me
My family stays away
I want to wash my hands of this life
But i can't
My life must go on
I can not end
People are counting on me
Forever and a week must i live
I love my friends to much to die on them
Making them sad will ruin everything in the world
I resurrect my dead past in word
My future is not yet written
I will live to bring joy to people
I will forget the loss I've suffered
I need to lose myself in happiness
I need my family and friends
I have them always
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I'm in love with a girl
She doesn't even know i'm alive
How can i get her to fall for me?
I'm in Love with a woman
She loves me back, I know
How lucky am I? She fell for me
I'm in love with a maid
She doesn't want to love me anymore
How sad can i feel? pain is me
I'm out of love with this girl
She is gone from my life forever
How can i love again? Heart break is me
I'm falling back in love with a woman
She is no longer good for me
How can i change? she betrayed me
I'm avoiding loving this maid
She want me to love her
How can i Forgive? she destroyed me
I'm no longer loving this girl
She no longer loves me
How can we survive? I'm just me
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Nothing matters
Not life or death
Not pain or suffering
the only thing that matters is that i'm here
But does that even matter?
Not really because maybe i'm not here
Maybe i'm already gone for good
Who really knows anyway?
As long as i can, I'll write
When i can't i wont
If you read it, you must let me know what you think
I don't really care, its just nice to know
Maybe i do care and just don't want to admit it
But what does it matter what i say
You'll do what you want
Ignore me and do as you wish
You are anyway.
Nothing matters
That's what my life has become,
Meaning less to me
Only my friends care
Now, as i've always done
I live for them
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It maters not to me
i'm already dead in the eyes of some
Others care that i'm alive
I only live to keep those that care happy
I will not die on them until our frinedship is broken
dashed to pieces on the rocks of hatred.
When that is done it will be my time
Not until and not after, but on that second.
Once all ties are severed
I can leave this world in peace.
All my friends know who they are
They could tell you i'll not go easy until my task is at an end
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I loved you once
You stole my heart away
Now your gone,
I'm alone.
You were my sun, my moon,
I thought I was your stars.
You found someone else
Now your gone,
I'm alone.
We loved each other
That's what we said.
Undying love we professed
Now your gone,
I'm alone.
You haunt my dreams
Ever elusive.
i answer the phone
You say Hello
That's how we were,
Now your gone,
And I'm forever alone
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All the people around me are happy
I'm just me, not happy or sad
I'm enjoying the laughter and watching everyone open gifts
You ask me whats wrong
Nothing i say, but the world is wrong with me
No one knows how i feel, or can know what I'm thinking
A million thoughts a second race through my mind
No one cares that I'm not with them
I sit here in a corner, alone as i always am
You are the only one that seems to care
and that's only for a second before your gone again
I hate holiday's, nothing special for me just another day
You sit in my lap and kiss me, you cheer me up without even trying
i guess holidays aren't so bad after all
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People like to think they know me
But how can they know me, when i don't know myself
Some think I'm flaky, superficial or arrogant
Some say I'm polite, kind and a good person
In truth I want to rip their hears out and eat them
Put me in a pitch black room and I'm happy
Put me in a brightly lit room and I’m miserable
Give me a chance and I’ll make you proud
Give me a task I’ll get it done
Leave me on my own and who knows
All i want in life is a pen, a pad of paper and a good book
You ask when I’m happiest;
Its during a rainy power outage with a candle and a book
I long for days to write, light to read and an ink pen that never runs dry
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Sleep is over rated.
The human body needs sleep
Sleeping only cuts into teh time you spend doing things
Without sleep the body can not function or heal
Non-sleep is like a constant high
Sleep gives your mind a chance to sort all the stuff it collects during the day
If you don't sleep you remember more
But you absorb less
Insomnia Rules but
Sleeplessness causes death
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I'm lost in the sea of informantion
I was searching for you
Searching for who i was
Searching for why i left you
Now all i want is to find a way out
A way home
I will call and see if i get an answer
I'll call who i am
the Net is vast,
I never knew how big until now
I will return, i'll nver stop looking
I'm going to find you and who i was
Love, you can not hide forever
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Two plus two.
Simple math
The answer is four, right?
But says I math is wrong.
My heart says its up to me
Words mean what we want them to mean
Say four and mean H
Or say H and mean four.
Words mean what we say
But we speak words.
A paradox?
Yes and No
Meaning is what matters
Words are useless
Actions,
Meanings,
These matter
Because 2+2=22, 4 and whatever else I want.
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Cold.
Distant
Heartless
Emotionless
These are the words,
People have said them about me.
It's true.
I've cut myself off from feeling
I've gone numb
I can't deal anymore
Every second of every day
I've been-
-bitched at
-yelled at
-hurt
-and whinned at
I'm done with it!
I'm never going to feel around these people ever again
Its more hasssel then its worth
This pain in my chest
I'll make it stop
Even if I never feel again
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You leave me here in misery,
Sulking over you.
Help me to understand,
Know it will be alright.
I love you more than life,
More than ever before.
The love of husband and wife,
That knows no bounds.
Do you return my love?
You did once upon a time.
I believe you do still,
So I will love you, always.
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There are two options, thats it
Kill or be killed
I know its cut throat but its life
If i kill i live
I i don't i die
I hate life, but i'm not ready to give it up
I've said it before,
I don't live because i want to
But i will be damned if i'll let someone take it from me
My life belongs to another
One i've never meet, and probably never will
My owner, my master, my love
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To day i vow
To make a change
To change for the better
I need to change myself
I've found i'm a sap
I'm nothing to anyone
I must change this or i will die
I've made some new friends
I'm looking for something new
New work? New home? I don't know yet
I need to sleep
Need to recharge
I don't know what i'm going to do, but i must do it
I need to stop talking in pose
Thats step number one
I'm still thinking of step number two
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We take on bonds when we are born
Lay them down when we die
Flesh is the binding we take to live
To feel
To experience
There is nothing i want more
Leave the bonds behind
Leave this world of enprisonment
To be free for once
To sore with the sun
But, i made a choice to live
Live for others
Live for you even
Live for the experience of living
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You can call me what you will
I know everyone else does
Bastard
Bum
Poser
Liar
Dick
Son of (insert your own idium here)
I've heard them,
They know it
Yet i don't care
I know who i am
I know what i am
You can think what you will
I know you will anyway
I'm just me and thats it
I don't want to try living to your standards
I am my own person
My own life
My Self
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